I can’t tell you how excited I was about Disco Night on AI. It’s just a shame that I can’t disco dance AND blog at the same time which I’d love to attempt, biutt I’:m ptrryt sguree ity woudlt engd uop loogkinhhgi likre thiiios.

Lil kicked off the night with “I’m Every Woman” and totally underwhelmed. She sounded more like “I’m Every 5th Woman.” The most exciting part of the performance was watching her hula hoop earings swing back and forth. Judges weren’t too favorable, which is scary for Lil because let’s not forget that not one, but TWO singers are heading home tonight. Buh-Bye.

Kris pulled out his guitar and extensive collection of bar chords to sing “She Works Hard For The Money.” Dressed for a day at the park, not a night at the Roxbury, he wore a white T-shirt, gray pants, tennis shoes, and his guitar. He was joined on stage by a guy playing conga drums (yes, congas in a disco song), a man with a guitar, and Kat McPhee’s porter from Cherry Tree still banging on his suitcase.  And it was guuud.  Slowed down, no bombast, no big band (and no, not a drop of disco), his voice was the centerpiece. I am loving him more each week. If slow and steady can truly win a race, I think he may be in contention - If not for the actual crown, surely for a career in this industry.

Now Danny finally brought the Disco funk to the night. He didn’t just sing a song from the disco era, he made me want to get my bell bottoms, platform shoes and those glasses with the nose grip that Steve Martin invented in “The Jerk.” Judges were extremely favorable. Oh wait.  I’m already wearing that.  VOTED

16-year-old Allison sprayed on some latex and then bedazzaled ™ her flesh for “Hot Stuff.”  (Why can’t these contestants ever dress like Laura Ingalls?)  She rocked it a bit but it was still kind of like ripping into a big birthday package only to find a pair of old socks inside. There was no excitement. Yes, yes, yes, the girl sounded fine, and I give her props for wearing a disco ball, but that performance was more Studio 50bore, not 54.

Adam Lambert - LOVE LOVE LOVE this guy. In a single spotlight, he began to sing the familiar words from the soundtrack, but the song was even slower than usual. And it worked. My God, how it worked. It was emotional, raw, moving. Adam’s voice is flawless. Up, down, soft, loud, and his performances?  He’s definitely following the David Cook Keep ‘Em Guessing From Week To Week playbook. Awesome. Presumed compliment from Paula: “It’s as if you tore your heart out and left it on the stage.” I have totally just thought of a great storyline for “Grey’s Anatomy.”  Excuse me whilst I email ABC. VOTED.

Oh yeah, baby. Matt is “Stayin’ Alive.” What a great choice for the guy who almost got sent home last week. He’s demonstrating great vocals and runs. He’s groovin’ with the back-up singers and whippin’ out the falsetto like it’s a Parmesan cheese grater at Olive Garden. I dig it but...

All right, let’s see what Anoop does with “Dim All The Lights.” You know... he looks great with facial hair. It makes him look more grown up.  Facial hair also balances out his manly eyebrows, I believe. He did fine with the song, but I don’t think the audience was digging it as much as the other singers, because the applause and cheers died incredibly quickly, and Simon labeled it “mediocre at best.”

As they rolled the snippet tape of the performances, I was left feeling like Donna Pescow in the back of that car in Saturday Night Fever – used, abused, violated. Where was the magic? The fireworks? Where was the LOVE? We had no Dancing Queen. No one offered us a ride to Funkytown. Or even the Car Wash. I didn’t even tie my Boogie Shoes. Heaven Knows who is going home. If I had to guess, my bottom three would be Lil, Anoop, and Matt, with Matt and Lil being told: This Is It.

Time to shake out Scott’s leisure suit for the results show!
Kris Out.